Like the moment I realized I'd worn a groove in my front tooth from biting my fingernails, these small denials of my own needs have accumulated in my life and now I am staring in shock at the damage I have done to what I thought was stable, solid, and resilient. I have done this before. I was heartbroken and betrayed when Debbie left me, at least until my life started to get better with my increased freedom and I realized that I was better off without all those small compromises even at the cost of being alone. Now again, here I am again, the dream of my romantic relationship shattered, nothing much really, though it has the weight of the world. Just a dream, just a way of seeing things, a way of holding things, a thought pattern. Nothing real has broken.