Wow. I've not written anything since August? What has kept me away? Too much work? To much fun? Too much running from work? Too much socializing? All old stories and none of them really true. It's not fear of the blank page either. Nothing so sinister. It's just the little thing of not having done it the day before. It's just gotten out of the habit of being a habit and I can change that anytime I want to. Am changing it right now, in fact. Whether or not the habit sticks, I give to God.
Today was a good day. I woke up at Mark's house, in the arms of Rosie on one side and Dierdre on the other, with Mark snuggled up with Rosie too. I'd fallen asleep last night with my penis gently throbbing against my sweatpants. Happy, and with no desire for anything more.
And I walked away last night with that entry unfinished.
Now, I've been thinking about the big things in my life that have captured my attention. The first, I think, was otherness. From my earliest memories I was absolutely fascinated by the idea of people who were different from us. I mean really different. Creatures were my favorite. I read book of mythology and folklore that I could get my hands on. All to get to the creatures. The elves, the dwarves, the kappa from japanese myth; little turtle men with powerful magic who could be tricked into rendering themselves powerless by spilling the water out of the bowl like depression on their heads. I was voracious for anything peopled by other than humans. I build up a catalogue in my head of all the peoples I imagined myself to encounter. It seemed endless. I think I must have imagined myself akin to these "other" people and I imagined my role was to bridge the gap of misunderstanding between them and humans. I was especially qualified for this being so different from most humans myself.
Studying the imaginary peoples of the world, I found that many of them had a fascinating power called magic, which could basically do anything if you knew how. Humans had a few special people who had magic too. The wizards and sorcerers, and shaman, and witches. This I thought, must be where I fit in. I loved to read about magical systems. I read fantasy books by the dozen with an eye to exactly how this or that author imagined magic to work.
In college I found biology. Zoology really. I had always loved science. The only reason I ended up in liberal arts is the way the wind was blowing that day. I loved the first classes I took, and they weren't sciences. I meant to get back to them, but that isn't really the way school works. When I finally found my way into that zoology class. My mind was blown. The Earth was already full of creatures! Real creatures, more alien than anything imagined in the fantasy novels I'd been reading. I started to mix the two in my mind. To imagine not just biology, but the culture that would grow from the biology. To imagine what the "people" would be like. This is real magic. This is my magic. To develop the best understanding I can about what makes people what they are so far, and then to push the understanding out through the tenuous filter of imagination into...not predictions... but possibilities. Possibilites have always been more exciting to me than anything already here and real and manifest. Possibilities are the things that have not yet existed, ever, but could.
The most recent leap of my life has been into the realm of the spiritual.
Today was a good day. I woke up at Mark's house, in the arms of Rosie on one side and Dierdre on the other, with Mark snuggled up with Rosie too. I'd fallen asleep last night with my penis gently throbbing against my sweatpants. Happy, and with no desire for anything more.
And I walked away last night with that entry unfinished.
Now, I've been thinking about the big things in my life that have captured my attention. The first, I think, was otherness. From my earliest memories I was absolutely fascinated by the idea of people who were different from us. I mean really different. Creatures were my favorite. I read book of mythology and folklore that I could get my hands on. All to get to the creatures. The elves, the dwarves, the kappa from japanese myth; little turtle men with powerful magic who could be tricked into rendering themselves powerless by spilling the water out of the bowl like depression on their heads. I was voracious for anything peopled by other than humans. I build up a catalogue in my head of all the peoples I imagined myself to encounter. It seemed endless. I think I must have imagined myself akin to these "other" people and I imagined my role was to bridge the gap of misunderstanding between them and humans. I was especially qualified for this being so different from most humans myself.
Studying the imaginary peoples of the world, I found that many of them had a fascinating power called magic, which could basically do anything if you knew how. Humans had a few special people who had magic too. The wizards and sorcerers, and shaman, and witches. This I thought, must be where I fit in. I loved to read about magical systems. I read fantasy books by the dozen with an eye to exactly how this or that author imagined magic to work.
In college I found biology. Zoology really. I had always loved science. The only reason I ended up in liberal arts is the way the wind was blowing that day. I loved the first classes I took, and they weren't sciences. I meant to get back to them, but that isn't really the way school works. When I finally found my way into that zoology class. My mind was blown. The Earth was already full of creatures! Real creatures, more alien than anything imagined in the fantasy novels I'd been reading. I started to mix the two in my mind. To imagine not just biology, but the culture that would grow from the biology. To imagine what the "people" would be like. This is real magic. This is my magic. To develop the best understanding I can about what makes people what they are so far, and then to push the understanding out through the tenuous filter of imagination into...not predictions... but possibilities. Possibilites have always been more exciting to me than anything already here and real and manifest. Possibilities are the things that have not yet existed, ever, but could.
The most recent leap of my life has been into the realm of the spiritual.
