I'm awaiting lunch on the plane ride bac to NJ from FL. I had the important talk with Mom and Dad. I told them about wating to give them a say about what happens to the business and the realization that I've been pretty selfish about keeping the business after it wasn't really supporting the payments anymore. We argreed to give it up to another year to get back on track.
It's been a few hours since I started the first paragraph. Now I'm sitting in the Chicago airport, waiting for my flight home and wanting to cry. There were four messages waiting for me on my cell phone. Gar is picking me up from the airport. Tony wants me to call Mr. Pepper who wants to cancel his monitoring. Maria says Michael wanted to remind me that cat isn't welcome so I'll need a dog-sitter. That shouldn't hurt my feelings, but it does. Isn't welcome. That's the trigger. Not because Cat isn't , but because I'm not unless I find something to do with Cat. And who will I ask? I feel so shitty about always asking people to watch her. Maybe I need to find another home for her? Or stop going away more than once a month or so? I hate both ideas.
And where the fuck is Kelly. I have no right to feel lonely and abandoned when I'm so bad myself about staying in touch. But I don't often hurt this way, and maybe others do. Maybe I should think of feeling like this when I delay in getting back to someone.
Why do I feel so horrible? So lonely? I made a lunch date with Gail, but I don't know if things will ever work out between us. I don't know if I want them to. Do I still love her? What the fuck does that even mean? Or am I dissembling because I'm so afraid of a no.
It's been a few hours since I started the first paragraph. Now I'm sitting in the Chicago airport, waiting for my flight home and wanting to cry. There were four messages waiting for me on my cell phone. Gar is picking me up from the airport. Tony wants me to call Mr. Pepper who wants to cancel his monitoring. Maria says Michael wanted to remind me that cat isn't welcome so I'll need a dog-sitter. That shouldn't hurt my feelings, but it does. Isn't welcome. That's the trigger. Not because Cat isn't , but because I'm not unless I find something to do with Cat. And who will I ask? I feel so shitty about always asking people to watch her. Maybe I need to find another home for her? Or stop going away more than once a month or so? I hate both ideas.
And where the fuck is Kelly. I have no right to feel lonely and abandoned when I'm so bad myself about staying in touch. But I don't often hurt this way, and maybe others do. Maybe I should think of feeling like this when I delay in getting back to someone.
Why do I feel so horrible? So lonely? I made a lunch date with Gail, but I don't know if things will ever work out between us. I don't know if I want them to. Do I still love her? What the fuck does that even mean? Or am I dissembling because I'm so afraid of a no.
Current Mood: 
depressed
depressed
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