Today I have been depressed and purposeless. My life seems adrift, empty, passionless. I've cried twice today, both times from gratitude and love, but even so, empty. What am I doing with my life? What is worth some effort? I've quit playing Magic for months now, I've quit smoking except for a random discarded butt here and there. My responsibilities have dwindled to the microscopic. The business is sold, my slavery ended. My freedom is both boundless and oppressive. When did I sequester away the expectation that when there were no more obstacles everything I ever wanted would just flow from my heart into the world. I thought, without ever acknowledging that I thought it, that I would design games, write books, make art; Produce and produce so effortlessly that I'd make money by accident (not that I'd need it) because without all the mundane and torturous obstacles in my way I'd excrete value for myself and for the world. What foolishness! If I didn't apply myself to the worthwhile when leisure time was rare and precious, how much harder to do so when absolutely anything can be put off for just another hour, day, year.